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Staying connected to your spouse during periods of separation

Set expectations for communication and create a plan.

It can be difficult to predict when our loved ones will be able to communicate during periods of separation - discuss expectations for communication, addresses to send letters or mail, what will phone contact look like, etc.

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tip for parents: pre-record videos to the children by the parent who is leaving, so that if contact is difficult, the children will have videos to watch, especially on special days like holidays and birthdays!

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bonus tip: write small notes of encouragement and hide them for your spouse to find during the separation.

Write Letters or Emails

  • Physical Letters: These create a tangible connection and are cherished keepsakes.

  • Frequent Emails: Quick notes to share daily thoughts or events help your partner feel involved in your life.

Share Experiences

  • Read the Same Book: Have your own private book club and discuss it over calls or emails for a shared activity.

  • Watch Movies Together: Use streaming apps with synchronized playback features when time zones align.

  • Share Photos: Send pictures of daily life or family events to keep your spouse in the loop.

Create a Countdown

  • Countdown Calendar: Track the days until your spouse returns as a motivational reminder.

  • Focus on Milestones: Celebrate each month or major event passed during long periods apart.

  • Create a bucket list of things you'd like to do together when your partner returns, places to see, food to eat, etc.

Build Your Own Support Network and Focus on Self-Care

  • Military Spouse Groups: Get involved with SFRG or other local social groups.

  • Stay Busy: Engage in hobbies, volunteer work, or activities that make you feel good.

  • Prioritize Self-Care: Eat well, exercise, and make time for relaxation.

  • Seek Counseling if Needed: Military Family Life Counseling (MFLC) and other resources are available for spouses. 

Helping children cope with periods of separation

Prepare Ahead of Time and Set Communication Expectations 

  • Explain the Deployment: Use age-appropriate language to explain where the parent is going and why.

  • Create a Countdown Calendar: Help children track the time until the parent returns with a fun, interactive calendar.

  • Set Communication Expectations: Let them know how and when they can talk to or hear from the deployed parent.

  • Video Messages: Encourage the deployed parent to send videos or voice messages when possible - pro tip: pre-record videos before the deploying parent leaves in case there are lapses in communication.

  • Write Letters or Draw Pictures: Give children a way to express themselves and stay connected.

Maintain Routines

  • Stick to a Schedule: Familiar routines provide a sense of stability and security for children and adults alike.

  • Celebrate Milestones: Continue celebrating birthdays, holidays, and school events even without the deployed parent.

Create Connection

  • Use Keepsakes: Provide children with an item that reminds them of the deployed parent (e.g., a photo, or a small stuffed animal).

  • Story Time: Record the parent reading bedtime stories for children to watch or listen to during the deployment.

  • Focus on the Reunion: Regularly talk about how exciting it will be when the parent comes home

  • Create a list of activities to do as a family when the other parent returns home.

Encourage Emotional Expression

  • Talk About Feelings: Create a safe space for kids to share their emotions, whether they’re sad, angry, or scared.

  • Creative Outlets: Provide activities like drawing, journaling, or playing that allow them to process emotions.

  • Comfort on Tough Days: Be extra present and attentive during anniversaries, holidays, or when the child is struggling.

  • Prepare for Regression: Recognize that some children may regress temporarily, such as bed-wetting or acting out, and address it with patience.

Lean on your Support Network and Focus on Self-Care
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